Feed My Sheep

      Have you ever thought about the life of Peter? I have. Actually, Peter has long been my favorite disciple. I know, it's pretty weird to have a favorite disciple, but he's so much cooler than John or James or (pffffft) Bartholomew. 

     In all actuality, I love Peter because he reminds me of...me. I relate to him. We give things 150% and usually think before we speak. There's only so many times one person can put their foot in their own mouth, but Peter and I both seem to have a penchant for doing it. 

     I also struggle with perfectionism. Perhaps in no area am I so unwilling to accept a flaw in myself as in my faith. Every little mistake, every sin--I am my own worst critic. I berate myself, constantly look for flaws in myself...constantly think that God is mad at me (for whatever reason it may be this time).

     In my mind, I sometimes see God tallying up my heart-- "well, she did (fill in blank here) longer than she read her Bible. She definitely doesn't put me first. She's going to Hell." It seems so ridiculous put out on paper that I want to laugh at myself, but the sickening, tight feeling in my throats reminds me "this is exactly how I think." 

     She watched TV.  (Punishment: Hell.)

     She forgot to pray. (Punishment: Hell.)

     She thought about kissing and love in generally. (Gasp!) (Punishment: Hell.)

     Perhaps my life can best be summed up like this: "trying my best to avoid punishment since 1995." My first thoughts whenever I do something are: "will I get punished for this?" With nearly every action, every thought, I feel like there's a monkey on my back, chanting,

     "Pun-ish-ment, pun-ish-ment, pun-ish-ment!" It's going to get me, it's going to catch up, I will never be perfect, I will never make anyone happy...

     ....

     Then we have Peter. If anyone deserved punishment, it was Peter. If anyone deserved condemnation from God, it was Peter. But instead of seeing an angry, condescending Jesus in each of these scenes I'm about to mention, try to picture Jesus with kind, sympathetic eyes.

     Peter, letting fear overwhelm him on the water and sinking.

     "Peter. Don't doubt." Kind, sympathetic...encouraging. 

     Peter, cutting off the ear of a soldier. 

     "Peter." Kind, sympathetic...understanding. 

     Peter, denying Christ three times. 

     "Peter." Kind, sympathetic...forgiving.

     "Peter, do you love me?" Jesus didn't have to ask Peter this question. I feel like, you know, since He's Jesus, He already knew Peter's heart. Which is precisely why Jesus DID ask the question, to give Peter time to repent. To give him healing...because, maybe, just maybe, Peter couldn't get over his own sin. I mean, who can just "get over" denying your friend, your Savior, right before He's crucified? I can hardly get over when someone yells at me for doing something slightly wrong. 

     Denying my Savior? You better bet I'd still be thinking about it, especially when the Person I wounded was right there in front of me.

     Two more times. "Peter, do you love me?"

     Then Peter was hurt. Why? Because he knew his guilt. He knew why Jesus was asking (or so he thought). He knew WHY Jesus "doubted" him. I don't think Peter was upset with Jesus. I think he was upset with himself, that his devotion warranted such "disbelief."

     "You know I do, Lord."

     "Feed

     My

     Sheep."

     That's all. Jesus didn't call Peter out on his sin. He didn't even address it by name, shame him. In fact, if the other disciples were listening, they'd probably wonder what the heck was going on. Instead, Jesus and Peter shared a powerful moment, a powerful, forgiving moment, without any shame.

     And you know what?

     It didn't end there.

     Oh, sure. That could be called "conjecture," since we don't know if or what other sins Peter committed. But, since he was human, I know he did. Even though his zeal for Christ had been renewed, Peter still had a sinful nature. Given his previous brash behavior, perhaps it wasn't even too long before he got in "trouble" again. 

     But no matter how many times, no matter what the sin...

     Those kind, sympathetic eyes still turned towards Peter, free of judgment. "Do you love me?"

     "You know I do, Lord."

     Forgiveness. 

     Every. 

     Single. 

     Time. 

A Christmas Tail: A Seashells Short Story

The wind whistled outside as white flurries pounded the windows and stuck to the panes. The cold wanted in, and the only defense of the people inside the cabin were piles of blankets and a roaring fire. 

     The door flew open. A man entered, as did the storm. Snow dusted the floor and clung to his tall frame as he struggled to lock it back out again, and stomped his feet once he succeeded. 

     “I’m afraid we won’t be getting out of here anytime soon.” He slipped out of his coat and hung it on the rack affixed to the wall. “This blizzard came from nowhere.”

     “Oh, Papa,” a redheaded young woman moaned, who bore little resemblance to the dark-haired man who had sired her. “What about Christmas?” 

     Papa spread his hands. “What about Christmas? We’re all gathered here.”

     “But we don’t have a tree!” The littlest girl in the room chirped. She was already donned in a nightgown with her dark blonde hair braided down her back. “Or any presents!” 

     The man stroked his dark mustache. “Well, we do have a roof over our heads, though. And this cabin is warm, and we have each other.”

     The two middle boys, who had gotten into a rather bad tiff earlier in the day, glared at each other. The younger of the two locked eyes with his current nemesis and muttered under his breath, “I don’t want to have you.”

     The older, now-offended boy jumped up. “All right. You asked for it!” And he grabbed one of the blankets off the sofa and leapt on his brother. The two rolled about and came dangerously close to the hearth until the eldest child, a girl with their father’s dark hair and eyes, stepped in and separated them. 

     “You two are fourteen and eleven now. When are you going to behave yourselves?” She held both boys by their collars and hauled them away from a fiery death. 

     All this was observed by two silent people, tucked right by the fireplace. One was a tall, thin boy in a wheelchair, a checkered blanket covering his lower half. A lean girl, more bones than flesh it seemed, sat next to him, her head on his lap, and her wild, curly, ash brown hair draped across his throw. These two relaxed against each other with what could only be described as people who share a split soul; a friendship so strong, born of secrets, mysteries, and unfathomable, inexplicable trust. Such bonds could never be described, not even by the poets, and can only be understood if one owns a split soul themselves. 

     “This is going to be the most boring Christmas ever,” the eleven-year-old moaned. He let his head clunk against the couch. “We have nothing to do!”

     “We have our imaginations,” the redhead sister reminded him. “And we can read.”

     This brought groans from both boys, and the youngest tacked on, “Like I said. Boring.”

     The boy in the wheelchair stirred a bit. He adjusted his position and rested his hand on the head of the sharer of his soul. “Come on, don’t complain. How about we share stories?”

     The eldest girl reclaimed her position on the couch. “I take it from your suggestion that you have one in mind.”

     “I do.” The wheelchair-bound boy gave a shy smile to the group. “But I don’t know if you’re interested in mermaids, mermen, and sea witches.”

     The redhead—who, despite being twenty, was still very much interested in all aforementioned things—perked up, as did her eight-year-old sister. 

     “Yes!” the elder girl breathed. She clasped her hands together and cinched the shawl around her shoulders tighter.

     “Is this a kissing story?” The eleven-year-old eyed the storyteller with such a dubious expression, as if a kissing story was the equivalent of switching out an apple pie for a mud pie. 

     The other boy considered this with a tilt of his dark head. “Hmm...no. Not really. But it is a story of love and betrayal and everything in between.” 

     The younger boy scratched at a freckle on his chin. “Well, betrayal is good.”

Papa chuckled to himself. “Agreed. Speaking of betrayal, I best go make sure your mother and grandmother haven’t murdered each other. You all behave, and don’t stay up too late.” 

     The boy in the wheelchair watched the flames for a moment. Their reflection flickered across his face before he began his story in a low tone… “Once upon a time…”

~~

Spiritual Glasses

      For all intents and purposes, I cannot see without my glasses. I can see blurry shapes and outlines that give me a general sense of something, but not the intricate details of objects. (After getting my glasses for the first time, my reaction was: "The trees have leaves on them?" Meaning instead of green blobs, of course.)

     Because of this, I love cleaning the house without my glasses on. You may wonder what the correlation is, but let me explain it. Without my glasses, the house looks pretty good right from the start. I can run the sweeper and feel like I'm ready to sit down and pat myself on the back for a job well done.

     Then I put my glasses on.

     And it's super hard not to be discouraged.

     The long hairs, the dust bunnies, the random crud that seems to collect, it's all still there. I just couldn't see it because I'm blind. Everything comes into focus suddenly, and I'm (unfortunately) back to work again.

     Our spiritual lives can be a lot like that.

     When we examine ourself through the eyes of the world, or with the blinders of our own self-deception, we can seem pretty good about our lives. You can sit in your blobby, formless castle without spiritual glasses on and thing: "hey, I've got a pretty swell life. No need to change or improve as far as I can see."

     And then...you put on the spiritual glasses. The dirt on your life suddenly becomes apparent, because you're looking at your life through the lens of God's perspective. You're not done cleaning house yet. 

     This can be discouraging, to say the least. It's always disheartening to find out that there are ways we can improve, or that there are things we need to weed out from our lives for more spiritual growth. It's hard, because we want to sit down and be satisfied with ourself. We want to think that we're good where we are. It's the same reason I always try and clean house without my glasses on!

     But we NEED to wear our spiritual glasses so we don't become "whitewashed tombs," as Jesus described the Pharisees. Nobody wants a Christian who acts perfect to the real world, or condemns the dirtiness of other people's houses without first scrubbing his own. It's only once we've scrubbed our own lives can we truly see the world through clean spiritual glasses, and see where we can help other people in their own lives.

     If you're in complacent in house cleaning, your house will only get dirtier and dirtier. It's the same in your Christian life. If you don't regularly assess and try and clean your life, it'll just be filled with the grime of your sins and bad habits. So don't wait to dust off your Godly glasses and put them on. Let's all take time to examine our lives today and see where the crud is in our lives, and how we can clean house to be more like Jesus. 

Strengths and Weaknesses

     A few days ago, I cleaned out my iPhone notes and organized them, because isn’t that what everyone does for fun? 

     And buried underneath some incoherent rambling, dreams, story ideas, and slightly humorous quotes, I found some devotions that I’d written and never done anything with. Sure, they’re short, but I think their beauty is in the fact that they’re so succinct. Who knows when I wrote them, but I feel like now is the time to share this short series with you, “The Notepad Sessions.”

      Have you ever thought of what your downfall is? What plagues you the most?

     It's so amazing that each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. As Paul so aptly describes, we are a body of Christ, made of parts.

     In my body, my legs are the strongest part of me, thanks to years of ballet. Likewise, my upper body strength is...well, lacking in comparison (read: completely inexistent, because they're basically limp noodles). But that doesn't mean that my arms are useless. I mean, sure, they can't win any fights for me, but I couldn't eat without them. I couldn't write or type without them. And my legs have their limitations, as well. I will never, ever be able to do a toe touch, even with all my years in ballet.

     What am I getting at here? Well, just like my physical body and yours, our spiritual bodies have strengths and weaknesses as well. We all have moments where we don't shine, where we falter. Maybe we doubt. Maybe we lie. Maybe we steal. Maybe we let our tempers flair. Gossip. Malice. Anything! These are our faults: the things that we don't ever let anyone else see, so we can pretend like they don't exist at all.

     I want you to think of a Bible hero. Go on: someone that you really love. Now, I want to think of that person's flaw. Don't think that, just because they're in the Bible, they were perfect!

     Solomon, the wisest man of all, had over 600 wives.

     David, a man after God's own heart, committed adultery.

     Moses, who led God's people out of Israel, was prideful. 

     Jonah, a prophet of God, balked at a command and ran away, consumed with a hateful heart.

     Peter was prideful, violent (he cut off a servant's ear in his zeal to protect Jesus!), and denied Christ.

     James and John were competitive “sons of thunder”—they probably lost their temper a lot! They also tried to get the "best" positions in Heaven, to basically be third and fourth in command below God and Jesus.

     And Thomas? Well, he didn't get the nickname “Doubting Thomas” for no reason.

     But yet—they were all disciples of Christ.

     God didn't wait for them to get their act together before He used them. David and Solomon were kings! Moses was the leader! Jonah was a prophet, and the disciples were ALREADY disciples. God utilized them even though they were broken. Even though they sinned, and even though they fell short of perfection time and time again.

     We like to attach strings to God sometimes. We like to think that He can't use us because—we don't have enough faith. We screwed up in our lives. We haven't ever done anything for God before. The list of excuses could go on and on. But God doesn't wait for us to get our acts together before He uses us. In fact, Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

     We will always be sinners. If you're waiting to be perfect before you accept God, or do something for God, you'll never move. But do you know what's amazing? Once we trust God—He forgives our sin. He even changes us. It's not always an immediate change—after all, if I want my arms to be more than limp noodles, I'd have to put in an extreme amount of exercise time—but it can be done. Nothing is impossible with God.

     Remember all those heroes I mentioned?

     Solomon suffered from lust. He was a wise King, who eventually returned to God and realized the error of his mistakes and advised others against them.

     David—sinful, adulterous David—is described as "a man after God's own heart."

     Prideful Moses? Well, Numbers 12:3 describes him as the most humble man on EARTH. (That's quite an accomplishment!)

    Jonah surrendered to God and went to the place he hated.

     Peter, James, John, and Thomas? All of them went on to deliver the gospels to the far reach of the worlds—even doubting Thomas died for his faith. Their flaws did not define their faith.

     In each of these cases, God took a weakness and made it a strength. Because they had to work so hard and rely so fervently on God to overcome this weakness, it was like they were constantly working it out. And take heart in this, because that means that no one, no matter how flawed, is ever beyond God's redemption. 

Love Is...

     In my last devotion, I compared love with Christianity and talked about how we can’t let our relationships be overrun by either too much “sense” or “sensibility.” We must temper one with another to find a more complete definition of love. Which brings me to what I’d like to focus on this time: what is the best expression of love? If we can’t be ruled by too much intellect or too much emotion? 

     Well, since God is love, I would say the most perfect expression of love would be in God Himself and found in His nature. And I believe that Paul gives an excellent breakdown of not only God’s nature, but how we are supposed to love one another in 1 Corinthians 13:1-7. (Yes, I know you hear this recited at every wedding, ever, but stay with me!) 

     I may speak in different languages of people or even angels. But if I do not have love, I am only a noisy bell or a crashing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy. I may understand all the secret things of God and have all knowledge, and I may have faith so great I can move mountains. But even with all these things, if I do not have love, then I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing if I do not have love. 

     What we can take away here: Here, Paul’s message is simple. No matter what we can do, what skills or talents or gifts we have, if we aren’t moved to love, then it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how smart we are, how many Bible verses we can quote, how much money we have—if we don’t love other people, then we’re spiritually bankrupt. We are not being good vessels for Christ. We are not being the salt or light of the world. We are spreading malice and evil, which the Bible says we are specifically not to do. 

     Let me put it in a way that would definitely make the Pharisees squirm: it doesn’t matter how religious you appear on the outside. It’s what’s inside your heart that counts. It’s how much love you have for your fellow human—not just fellow Christians—that really defines how you love God. After all, to love God and love others was the greatest commandment, in Jesus’ own words.

     So what would be one way to show love? Read on. 

     Love is patient and kind. 

     How do we show patience and kindness to people? Patience goes so much farther than just waiting without getting angry. It’s have patience with people. Don’t immediately assume the worst in them. Give them time to grow. Be patient with them in their mistakes, because people will make mistakes. They will hurt you. But if you snap back in anger, without having patience, then you’ll only add fuel to the fire. You won’t be showing love. 

     And kindness? That means that we’re supposed to treat people as if they are not stupid. As if they are a human being, made in the image of God, even if we don’t agree with them. We are supposed to treat them as if they matter. Treat them with compassion. 

     “But what about the people on Facebook that I disagree with?” You might ask. 

     But Jesus said in Luke 6:32-33 how we are to be set apart: “If you love only those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners also love those that love them! If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that!” We are not called to be like people of the world, and being nice and courteous and kind to only those who are nice to us is what people of the world do.

     Feels bad, doesn’t it? 

     So Jesus goes on to say in verse 35, “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back.” Or, in other words, be kind, even if you don’t expect kindness back. That’s one way that we can love others, not just our significant others, but everyone, as Jesus calls us to. 

     Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 

     Let’s break down these three things.

     One: jealousy. I’m sure we’ve all either seen jealousy or been jealous in our lives. Probably both, considering everyone is human. And how does it make us act? Never good. It can make us angry. We can yell. It can make us nasty. We can try and tear down others. It can make us competitive. We try and constantly prove we’re better than the people we’re jealous of. 

     None of this is conducive to actual relationships. They’re more like a step-by-step list of ways to destroy them from the inside out. 

     Jealousy can also lead to bragging. When we feel jealous and “less-than” someone, then we will usually start to boast about ourselves in a way to make them jealous, or prove we’re just as cool/smart/etc as them. But the thing about bragging is that it doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t usually make the jealousy go away, and it makes everyone around you feel worse. 

     And why do we feel the need to brag? Why do we get jealous? Because our pride is wounded. Our pride is injured when we think that other people might be better than us, that they’ve gotten something we want. And so it seeks to put a Band-Aid on its bullet hole with boasting. But the Band-Aid doesn’t solve the issue, and in the end, the wound is still bleeding out. 

     And all of these: pride, boasting, jealousy—they all happen because we put ourselves before other people, and that’s not love. Love wants only good for others. Love wants to listen and cherish those around it. 

     Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. 

     These verses are so “meaty” in terms of what love is all about. So, let’s give some examples of everything love is not, according to these verses; 

1. Love does not snap back at someone on Facebook who you have an argument with.

2. Love does not call other people names—no matter if you have different political views or if they called you a name first. 

3. Love thinks of others before itself. Love does not want to steal or compete or rob anyone else. It wants to encourage them and build them up.

4. Love does not seek to tear others down to build itself up.

5. Love does not keep a record of wrongs—i.e., love is not the old trope of the wife bringing up past grievances from 35 years ago to try and win an argument in the current day. 

6. Love does not keep a running tally of grievances. If you have a problem with someone, address them directly and to their face and work towards forgiveness if at all possible (Matthew 18:15-17, Matthew 18:21-22)

     Now, to better explain the “love does not get upset with others…” I don’t think this verse necessarily means that we have to be a doormat. Even Jesus got angry with the Pharisees and flipped tables. He had righteous anger—He had every reason to be upset!—but He still loved them, because Jesus is love. So love does not mean that if someone is continually wronging you, if you have righteous anger, that you should stuff it inside of you. Like this: Joe is always being physically and emotionally abusive to Jane. Jane should not just sit there and take the punches to her body. She should not have to listen to him call her a pig or ugly or any litany of names he might think of. She is allowed to, in this situation, have righteous anger. But I do think what this verse means is that we should, essentially, “tame our tempers.” 

     In essence: I think we all know when our worst side is about to come out—I know I do! It’s easy to see if what we are upset about is not something we should really be upset about, or that we can resolve it in a different way. For example, if Jane spends too much time on her cell phone and ignores Joe, there are several options that he can take before he gets mad and starts yelling at her. He can discuss it gently with Jane or offer to do things that would get her away from her electronics. Either way, even though he may have something to be upset about, he has tamed his temper and is acting in love towards Jane. 

     So, in everything, instead of the “knee-jerk reaction” of yelling at someone or getting grumpy or passive-aggressive, let’s love someone enough to express our feelings openly. 

     Because I would like to think that, especially for Christians, with the Holy Spirit’s nudges, we will be able to always discern the action that continues the most love. After all—one of the Fruits of the Spirit is love. The very first one, in fact! 

     Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 

     The takeaway here: how many of us, whether consciously or unconsciously, have wished something bad to happen to people we don’t like—maybe even death? If we get giddy thinking about bad things that happen to people we dislike, we’re more or less taking pleasure in evil. 

     Another way to take pleasure in evil is to help people sin—or encourage their sin. “Oh, it’s okay. If it makes you feel good, then it’s not that bad.” 

     But the truth is, the Bible does say that there are bad things—and sometimes they’re the things that might make us feel momentarily “good.” It can be tempting to let someone be happy and consider that good for them, but the truth is that real love doesn’t rejoice in seeing someone caught in a sin. Love desires to help people see the Light and legitimately care for them. 

     Think of it like this: if a child is playing in the road, which is a more loving response from the parent...to keep letting them play in the road because they’re having lots of fun, or to pull them back to safety, even if they complain or whine? Sometimes love might not be liked, but in the end, if you love someone, you’ll want to keep them safe in truth, even if it’s unpopular. 

     Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.”

     The last few verses that I’ll go through are quite heavy in their implications. I would say that the best way to describe these two sentences is this: love is an optimist. In the face of bad trials or when one hears rumors, love chooses to trust and hope that the truth will be made known.

     Now, in no case am I advocating a “blind trust” love. But I am advocating that love seeks to find out the truth—like it said in the previous veer—and that love looks for the best in people.

     And—perhaps the most important thing—love always endures. One of my characters, Hadley, puts love this way: “love is picking you again and again. Consistently choosing you.” If you love someone, you choose to help them, to love them, every day. You choose that, no matter what this day might bring, you will choose to love them, with your words and actions. 

     Now, after all that, you may think that love seems pretty hard. 

     And it is. 

     A lot of love goes against human nature. 

     No one ever said love is easy. 

     But love is worth it, especially if we do love right. Especially if we seek to always love not only our spouses, but also the world around us. Perhaps, like the Goo-Goo Dolls so eloquently pen, all we need to do is “give a little bit of my love to you,” and then we’d start to see an explosion of people glorifying Jesus, after they saw the love His followers have. 

What Is Love?

     Like Haddaway before me, I pose a question to you today: what is love? 

     I’ve been working on a book that plunges into that question. Several characters have differences in what this word or feeling actually is, and this causes some conflict between them. So today, I ask you: what do you think love is? 

     One character believes that love is nothing more than a trick of the brain and hormones. It’s purely biological and not something to be trusted in. 

     One character believes that love is what develops over time, trust and choosing to pick this person again and again.

     And yet another one has an overly romanticized version of love, caught up in the feelings of being twitterpated at the first blush of hope. 

     And what is love? Is love emotional? Is love logical? 

     I’ll (hopefully) write at least a second bit to delve deeper into this subject, but today, I want to pose a question: since God is love...then what is God? How can we relate this complicated feeling of love to Him? 

     Is being a Christian a focus on the emotional aspect of Christianity, or do we need to focus more on the logical side? 

     I’ll put it like this. In any sort of a relationship, you will probably not have that first blush, head-over-heels feeling all your life. Even if you have it most of the time (kudos to you if you do), there will be moments when you just...don’t. 

     Are you any less married because of this?

     And as a Christian, you will not always have an “emotional” connection with God. You will not always feel enamored or even His presence. You will not always have that “mountaintop experience” that a lot of people live for. 

     Are you any less a Christian because of this? 

     I don’t want to negate the importance of these emotional moments, but I do want to point out that putting too much emphasis on the emotional is never good. In a relationship, if you do this, then the first time you lose “that loving feeling,” you may decide to call it quits. You may declare that you have “fallen out of love” with someone, and begin to search for someone else that will give you that feeling again and for longer, all in a relentless search for “true love.” 

     In the same way, if you go through a rough patch with God, or if you suddenly don’t feel that rush, or whatever Great Emotional Experience you were looking for with God, you may decide to call it quits. You may think that He’s not real, that you’re “so far apart” from Him, or that He’s abandoned you if you don’t continually get these grand, sweeping emotions. You may even keep on searching for a religion or something that will give you “that Godly feeling” time after time. 

     In both scenarios, you will probably be continually disappointed. 

     Then there’s also the fact that, like the first character I mentioned, people will always try and discount emotional experiences. 

     It’s hard to trust your emotions. The heart, above all things, is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). We are often warned to not make big decisions solely by using it, but to taper it with a bit of logic. Not to mention that it’s very shaky ground to try and measure “God’s will” with how we feel about something. For example, you may say: “if I’m happy about this, then I know it’s God’s will.” Well, some morally iffy things can make you very happy, if you ask me, and saying “God, make me happy if this is Your will” can also lead you to some tricky ground. You may experience a burst of happiness only to realize that it was your own doing, not anything God did. 

     Emotional experiences can also create false expectations for people. “I knew I was in love with my future spouse from the moment I met him/her!” can be just as devastating to someone as “I knew God was real when I had this Great Emotional Experience with him!” While both may be true, they set up a problem: A) That only if you have a Great Emotional Experience is your love true, and B) that every journey or story is going to be just like yours. 

     And, finally, people may be more liable to discount emotions as just “something in your brain.”  The first character I mentioned (no spoilers!) is convinced that love is just something that occurs in our brain, a concoction of hormones and emotions that make us “feel” something. Truth be told, I’ve met several people that feel like that, because they can’t reconcile the science of love with the soul of love. So to try and convince someone of the existence of God solely based on your emotional experiences will probably not convince them. “I’ve felt God!” for them, translates to something like: “you’ve had the same pseudo-religious experience that people in every single religion have ever felt.” 

     Which is also true—people in other religions also seemingly have these Great Emotional Experiences...so how, if we are a Christian solely because of the emotions that we’ve felt, can we say that we are any different than everyone else? 

     Which brings us to the infusion of logic. 

     Just like a spouse must choose to love their significant other based on many factors, so we must also choose to love God. We are Christians because we must choose to be Christians, day after day. Each morning when we wake up, with every heartbeat, our actions must say: “I choose to follow Christ.” We must rationally look at what it means to be a follower of Christ and decide if it is worth it. Though the emotional route may be “flashier,” it is the subtle logic of Christianity that will carry us through. 

     Consider the Parable of the Sower: in Matthew 13, Jesus says that part of the people who fall away will do so “when trouble or persecution come.” If we are just going by emotional responses, trouble comes when we are presented with anything that counteracts our own feelings. Oh, people in other religions have Great Emotional Experiences as well? How does this fit into my life? I’m not having any Great Emotional Experiences lately? Am I not a Christian anymore? Well, I’m just not “feeling” it with Christianity anymore, so I’m just going to give up and move on. 

     Just as we should not choose our life partners based on how we “feel” about them at any given moment, we should not choose our religion based on what we “feel,” either. 

     So, does that mean that there is no place for emotionality in religion? 

     Well, is there no place for emotionality in love? 

     Just as there is a time and place for everything, there is a time and place for emotions. If we are just solely logical in all our doings, we’re missing the heart of Christianity. If we’re solely emotional in all our doings, we’re missing the head of Christianity. It’s kind of like the message of Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility: we’ll only end up hurting ourselves if we rely too much on sense (intelligence) or sensibility (emotion). It’s only when we blend these two things together will we ever find anything true and lasting. We must find a way to embrace both of them, building a firm foundation for our faith which won’t be shaken when we find something that might challenge our faith on either side.

     One of my favorite songs of the moment goes like this: “I’m still a believer...I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try.” 

     As believers, we will always face trials. Actually, as humans we will face trials. And we can sometimes be envious of people whose faith seems “natural,” who continually have these Great Emotional Experiences when we continually...do not. But that’s when we have to “try, try, try.” That’s when we have to not give up, to face the next day and say: “I still believe. I’m still trying. God, don’t give up on me yet.” You may go through rough patches spiritually, where it feels like nothing is going your way, when it seems like God is a thousand miles away. But we can’t be like those in the Parable of the Sower that fall away at trouble. We must pick ourselves up and “try, try, try.” Even when it hurts. Even if our heart deceives us and tells us that there’s no use. We must use our mind to persevere, to set our souls to cling to Jesus. 

     Another song I know says this: “I can sniff/I can see/And I can count up pretty high/But these faculties aren’t getting me any closer to the sky/But my heart of faith keeps pounding so I know I’m doing fine/But sometimes finding you/Is just like trying to/Smell the color nine” (Chris Rice, Smell the Color 9). Sometimes it can be discouraging when we feel no Great Emotional Experience, or if we’ve never had one. Sometimes it can seem nearly impossible to “find” God, to know what He wants, or to listen to His Voice—yes, just as impossible as smelling a color (especially the color nine). But as long as we “try, try, try,” and don’t let our heart of faith get cold, then we know we’ll be doing just fine. 

     So, what is love? 

     And what is God? 

     The answer will come to us, as long as we keep on choosing to love, to believe, every single day. 

SNEAK PEEK: A Halloween Haunted House

     With spooky season in full swing, I thought I'd take a minute of my time to introduce you to my two new protagonists: Tyler Rose and Hadley Navarro. If you've been following my Instagram stories/posts, you'll know that they are from a slightly dystopian America (about 100 years from now) where love and marriage have been outlawed and deemed a danger to society. The crux of their story is that Tyler, a hopeless romantic (and also a criminal because of this) makes a bet with a straightlaced, anti-love Hadley that he can make her fall in love with him and convince her to change society with him.

     In honor of Halloween, though, today's sneak peek takes place at a hokey amusement park haunted house, where they have to masquerade as brother and sister or DIE. 

     (Just kidding...

     Or am I?)

     “A haunted house? Really?” I stared at the goofy attraction in the children’s area. I leaned over his shoulder so he could see just how incredulous I was. “This is what you come here for?” “No, no. This is just my first stop. When I was just a wee lad, this was one of the few rides my mom could get me on.” He smirks. “Did I mention she had a motorcycle? She was not about to put up with some weak-kneed son. Either I would inherit her need for speed or I would learn it. Unfortunately, it took many years for me to get the latter, but she eventually won out.” “I bet she’s real proud of how much adrenaline you get from breaking the law and making gambles with cops.” Tyler scooted in front of several ankle-biters until he found the “Season Ticket Holder” line. “Actually, she, uh, passed away almost two years ago now. But she always got the season passes, so I still get one in her name.” He paused. “Hey, can you reach into my pocket and get the tickets?” “This is some weird pick-up line, isn’t it? Some attempt to make me touch you in your favorite place?” “Look, you don’t even have to touch the fabric of my jeans.” He made a weird sound, like he had almost laughed but then disguised it in a cough. “Unless you want to. Then, touch away.” “Oh, sure.” With nothing but my fingernails, I picked up the tickets and then smacked him over the head with them. “There. That’s how I want to touch you.” “Good enough for right now.” I rolled my eyes and then examined the tickets. Tyler Abraham Rose was printed on one. “Abraham? You don’t exactly live up to the Honest Abe moniker.” He snorted, but the next one said Taylor Kamryn Rose. My mouth lifted in a half smile, and I blinked a few times. “That’s a really pretty name. You must love your mom a lot.” “Shh, careful. Don’t say that too loud. You never know who might love to arrest you.” He gave me what I assumed was a flirty pinch on the inside of my thigh. I yipped like a little chihuahua and then kneed him in the stomach. A child in the line beside us stared up at me, his mouth half-open. “Sorry, brothers. You know how they are.” I roll my eyes. “Big brothers are absolutely the worst.” His mother smoothed his hair back, eyed us warily, and scooted her young, impressionable son away from the weirdos. “You see, Tyler? You scare everyone. At least they can get away from you. I can’t.” I tightened my grip around his neck, but he faked dropping me. I gave another shriek and then pounded my fist into his shoulder. “Stop it!” Tyler winked at the kid, who peeked around his mom’s flowy skirt. “You tell your mom you want a baby sister. Best gift you’ll ever get.” His mom scoffed and scooted further away, but thankfully, our line moved. “Think we overdid it a little?” I whispered. “Nah. That kid bought every word of it.” Tyler slid me down as we boarded the first ride, which consisted of a hokey little carriage that carried the emblem of a famous anti-ghost squad. “Now, let’s see who can get the most points. Pick your weapon and see who can get the most points.” Tyler picked up one of the red blasters and blew on the top before he clumsily tried to spin it on his fingers. I raised an eyebrow and smirked at him as I brandished my own, ready for an Old Western shootout. “Aim for the targets,” Tyler said. “Please. I’m a cop—the best shot in my department. I can hit a target in my sleep.” Just to prove it, I yawned and aimed at the first ghost that popped out at me. “Boom. Fift—hey! It didn’t give me my points!” Tyler, meanwhile, picked off his second ghost. It gave a squeal as the hologram flickered out of existence. “What?” “Tyler! My gun is broken!” I aimed at another hologram, but a stupid laugh track played. Tyler cackled. “The best shot in your department?” “Shut up and help me fix it!” Another ghost squealed as Tyler went up to two hundred–and I stayed at zero. “Tyler! This isn’t fair!” Tyler, at least, missed his next shot. “Ha! See? I’m way better than you. Switch me guns!” I lunged for one of the two spare guns in between us, but Tyler snatched it up before I could get there, spun around, and hit the holographic spirit he’d missed the first time around. “That’s not fair!” I blamed the atmosphere of being in the kiddie park for what happened next: I pounced on Tyler and made a mad dash for the gun, but let it be known that Tyler had already proved he was more than capable of using his six-foot-whatever height to his advantage. He held the gun above his head, cackling all the while, and shot more ghosts. There was suddenly an unholy cacophony of buzzes, laughter, and ghostly glee as he hit and missed several right in a row. My plan was not working. I growled and kicked at him once to propel myself away from him and grabbed the final, far-right blaster. I sent off a few test shots and caught all three ghosts with my laser, before I turned my weapon on the pest right next to me. “Say hello to my little friend,” I quoted from an exceptionally old movie, but one that had survived the “love purge” by showing absolutely none of the supposed virtues of love. I’d never seen it, but the phrase was still in popular lexicon simply because it was ubiquitous before and after the Love Accord Act. I fired off several shots, but these were directed at his chest, for all the good that did. “Hey!” he shouted, like I even had the potential to do physical damage. He aimed at me and fired off several lasers as well. Somehow, our arms got twisted around, my foot ended up in his stomach, and I bumped my head on the back of the cart within several minutes. Along with our own shrieks and shots and grunts, the ghosts that we happened to eliminate quite by accident also screamed, giggled, hooted and hollered. By the time the ride circled back around, my braid had come mostly undone, Tyler had several new bruises forming, and the ride attendant glared at us like we were idiots. I sniffed, replaced my guns—which, if you added them together, equaled about a thousand points (one thousand on one gun, zero on the broken gun)—and tried to exit the car with as much of my dignity as I could muster, but my shoelace had come undone on my tennis shoes, and I tripped once in front of the unamused worker. “Brothers,” I announced. “When can we outlaw them? I think that whole single child law was a great idea.” Tyler raced up behind me and stuck out his leg right in front of me so that I tripped on the moving platform. I whirled around and shook my fist at him, before his laughter made me decide to go all the way. I slugged him in the arm. “I think that law is great, too, considering I would be the older one.” He commented this once we were almost out of earshot, which was a great tactic on his point. That way, it looked like he was solely addressing me, and not putting on a charade for whatever cameras or curious eyes happened to be watching. I shook free the rest of my braid and combed it out with my fingers so that I could attempt to reform it. “Just for the record, I won.”

     I hope you enjoyed this little introduction to Tyler, Hadley, and their world. Stay tuned for more updates...and have a happy Halloween! ♥