In my last devotion, I compared love with Christianity and talked about how we can’t let our relationships be overrun by either too much “sense” or “sensibility.” We must temper one with another to find a more complete definition of love. Which brings me to what I’d like to focus on this time: what is the best expression of love? If we can’t be ruled by too much intellect or too much emotion?
Well, since God is love, I would say the most perfect expression of love would be in God Himself and found in His nature. And I believe that Paul gives an excellent breakdown of not only God’s nature, but how we are supposed to love one another in 1 Corinthians 13:1-7. (Yes, I know you hear this recited at every wedding, ever, but stay with me!)
I may speak in different languages of people or even angels. But if I do not have love, I am only a noisy bell or a crashing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy. I may understand all the secret things of God and have all knowledge, and I may have faith so great I can move mountains. But even with all these things, if I do not have love, then I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing if I do not have love.
What we can take away here: Here, Paul’s message is simple. No matter what we can do, what skills or talents or gifts we have, if we aren’t moved to love, then it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how smart we are, how many Bible verses we can quote, how much money we have—if we don’t love other people, then we’re spiritually bankrupt. We are not being good vessels for Christ. We are not being the salt or light of the world. We are spreading malice and evil, which the Bible says we are specifically not to do.
Let me put it in a way that would definitely make the Pharisees squirm: it doesn’t matter how religious you appear on the outside. It’s what’s inside your heart that counts. It’s how much love you have for your fellow human—not just fellow Christians—that really defines how you love God. After all, to love God and love others was the greatest commandment, in Jesus’ own words.
So what would be one way to show love? Read on.
Love is patient and kind.
How do we show patience and kindness to people? Patience goes so much farther than just waiting without getting angry. It’s have patience with people. Don’t immediately assume the worst in them. Give them time to grow. Be patient with them in their mistakes, because people will make mistakes. They will hurt you. But if you snap back in anger, without having patience, then you’ll only add fuel to the fire. You won’t be showing love.
And kindness? That means that we’re supposed to treat people as if they are not stupid. As if they are a human being, made in the image of God, even if we don’t agree with them. We are supposed to treat them as if they matter. Treat them with compassion.
“But what about the people on Facebook that I disagree with?” You might ask.
But Jesus said in Luke 6:32-33 how we are to be set apart: “If you love only those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners also love those that love them! If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that!” We are not called to be like people of the world, and being nice and courteous and kind to only those who are nice to us is what people of the world do.
Feels bad, doesn’t it?
So Jesus goes on to say in verse 35, “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back.” Or, in other words, be kind, even if you don’t expect kindness back. That’s one way that we can love others, not just our significant others, but everyone, as Jesus calls us to.
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.
Let’s break down these three things.
One: jealousy. I’m sure we’ve all either seen jealousy or been jealous in our lives. Probably both, considering everyone is human. And how does it make us act? Never good. It can make us angry. We can yell. It can make us nasty. We can try and tear down others. It can make us competitive. We try and constantly prove we’re better than the people we’re jealous of.
None of this is conducive to actual relationships. They’re more like a step-by-step list of ways to destroy them from the inside out.
Jealousy can also lead to bragging. When we feel jealous and “less-than” someone, then we will usually start to boast about ourselves in a way to make them jealous, or prove we’re just as cool/smart/etc as them. But the thing about bragging is that it doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t usually make the jealousy go away, and it makes everyone around you feel worse.
And why do we feel the need to brag? Why do we get jealous? Because our pride is wounded. Our pride is injured when we think that other people might be better than us, that they’ve gotten something we want. And so it seeks to put a Band-Aid on its bullet hole with boasting. But the Band-Aid doesn’t solve the issue, and in the end, the wound is still bleeding out.
And all of these: pride, boasting, jealousy—they all happen because we put ourselves before other people, and that’s not love. Love wants only good for others. Love wants to listen and cherish those around it.
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done.
These verses are so “meaty” in terms of what love is all about. So, let’s give some examples of everything love is not, according to these verses;
Love does not snap back at someone on Facebook who you have an argument with.
Love does not call other people names—no matter if you have different political views or if they called you a name first.
Love thinks of others before itself. Love does not want to steal or compete or rob anyone else. It wants to encourage them and build them up.
Love does not seek to tear others down to build itself up.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs—i.e., love is not the old trope of the wife bringing up past grievances from 35 years ago to try and win an argument in the current day.
Love does not keep a running tally of grievances. If you have a problem with someone, address them directly and to their face and work towards forgiveness if at all possible (Matthew 18:15-17, Matthew 18:21-22)
Now, to better explain the “love does not get upset with others…” I don’t think this verse necessarily means that we have to be a doormat. Even Jesus got angry with the Pharisees and flipped tables. He had righteous anger—He had every reason to be upset!—but He still loved them, because Jesus is love. So love does not mean that if someone is continually wronging you, if you have righteous anger, that you should stuff it inside of you. Like this: Joe is always being physically and emotionally abusive to Jane. Jane should not just sit there and take the punches to her body. She should not have to listen to him call her a pig or ugly or any litany of names he might think of. She is allowed to, in this situation, have righteous anger. But I do think what this verse means is that we should, essentially, “tame our tempers.”
In essence: I think we all know when our worst side is about to come out—I know I do! It’s easy to see if what we are upset about is not something we should really be upset about, or that we can resolve it in a different way. For example, if Jane spends too much time on her cell phone and ignores Joe, there are several options that he can take before he gets mad and starts yelling at her. He can discuss it gently with Jane or offer to do things that would get her away from her electronics. Either way, even though he may have something to be upset about, he has tamed his temper and is acting in love towards Jane.
So, in everything, instead of the “knee-jerk reaction” of yelling at someone or getting grumpy or passive-aggressive, let’s love someone enough to express our feelings openly.
Because I would like to think that, especially for Christians, with the Holy Spirit’s nudges, we will be able to always discern the action that continues the most love. After all—one of the Fruits of the Spirit is love. The very first one, in fact!
Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth.
The takeaway here: how many of us, whether consciously or unconsciously, have wished something bad to happen to people we don’t like—maybe even death? If we get giddy thinking about bad things that happen to people we dislike, we’re more or less taking pleasure in evil.
Another way to take pleasure in evil is to help people sin—or encourage their sin. “Oh, it’s okay. If it makes you feel good, then it’s not that bad.”
But the truth is, the Bible does say that there are bad things—and sometimes they’re the things that might make us feel momentarily “good.” It can be tempting to let someone be happy and consider that good for them, but the truth is that real love doesn’t rejoice in seeing someone caught in a sin. Love desires to help people see the Light and legitimately care for them.
Think of it like this: if a child is playing in the road, which is a more loving response from the parent...to keep letting them play in the road because they’re having lots of fun, or to pull them back to safety, even if they complain or whine? Sometimes love might not be liked, but in the end, if you love someone, you’ll want to keep them safe in truth, even if it’s unpopular.
Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.”
The last few verses that I’ll go through are quite heavy in their implications. I would say that the best way to describe these two sentences is this: love is an optimist. In the face of bad trials or when one hears rumors, love chooses to trust and hope that the truth will be made known.
Now, in no case am I advocating a “blind trust” love. But I am advocating that love seeks to find out the truth—like it said in the previous veer—and that love looks for the best in people.
And—perhaps the most important thing—love always endures. One of my characters, Hadley, puts love this way: “love is picking you again and again. Consistently choosing you.” If you love someone, you choose to help them, to love them, every day. You choose that, no matter what this day might bring, you will choose to love them, with your words and actions.
Now, after all that, you may think that love seems pretty hard.
And it is.
A lot of love goes against human nature.
No one ever said love is easy.
But love is worth it, especially if we do love right. Especially if we seek to always love not only our spouses, but also the world around us. Perhaps, like the Goo-Goo Dolls so eloquently pen, all we need to do is “give a little bit of my love to you,” and then we’d start to see an explosion of people glorifying Jesus, after they saw the love His followers have.
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