Poisoned Words

“It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

This isn’t some prophecy from a fantasy novel, about a wizard or weapon that will someday obliterate the world until the hero can defeat it.

No, in fact, what this quote is about is far more sinister.

It is far more common because we all wield it.

Far more deadly because it feels good to use it. 

And far more tempting because it is a double-edged sword, able to do good and bad and sometimes the difference is hard to tell.

It’s the tongue.

“But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” —James 3:8

Your words are capable of so much. Saying “I love you,” complimenting someone, praying, spreading the Gospel—all of these are so honorable and able to be used to build people up. They can make people feel strong, brighten their day, give them a light to hold on to when it is dark all around them.

But we can also yell at people. Scream at them and make them feel unimportant, small, useless, misunderstood and worthless. We can insult them. We can curse at them, mock them and ruin relationships with a few stray, unchecked words.

And every time we do one of the latter things, it’s like taking a knife and severing a bit of relationship that we’ve spent hours, days, even years building. Sometimes, it can’t be repaired. Sometimes, it just takes time. But in either scenario, it can leave both parties like they’ve just swallowed that deadly poison that James talks about.

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” —‭‭James‬ ‭3:9-10‬

This is a bleak picture when we think about it. We are so eager to turn on fellow humans, tear them down, badmouth them. Even something like using a harsh tone can be devastating to someone. And, if that person isn’t a Christian, to have you turn around and praise God can make them angry, leave them with a bitter taste in their mouth about Christians.

This can all sound rather bleak. And, in reality, it is. It should remind us of how messed up we can be at our core, no matter how desperately we want to be otherwise. Even James offers this: 

“We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.” —‭‭James‬ ‭3:2‬ 

The good news, though, is that the heart of the doctrine of Christianity doesn't hinge on us being perfect. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Our lousy, imperfect, messed up lives are the reason that we need Jesus, why we needed His sacrifice: His death and Resurrection.

Hallelujah-- we're all stupid, lousy, people, but at least we have a Savior that isn't! And part of being a stupid, lousy human means that, like it or not, our tongue will run away from us sometimes. But when that happens, it’s good to have some antidotes in our arsenal to combat its poison.

• Remember that if you were perfect, you wouldn’t need Jesus.
• That may not sound encouraging, but when you’ve just failed, there’s a strange kind of peace to know that Jesus doesn’t require you to be perfect. That’s why He came for you. You know, as Paul says: “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He doesn’t say: “Christ came for the people that were already saved.” Even Jesus said that the healthy don’t need the doctor, but the sick. 
• Verse to remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” —‭‭Romans‬ ‭7:15‬

• In the heat of the moment, stop and think about what you’re saying.
• Okay, sometimes we don’t even do this. Sometimes the words just fly off our tongue, but sometimes, in the back of our minds, we do recognize what we’re about to say has no value. We even plot out our attacks and try and find the best way to hurt someone in our anger. If, for even a second, you’re cognizant that what you’re about to say is poisonous, stop and think!
• Verses to remind you to keep your tongue in check in the heat of the moment: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:29, 32

• Keep your heart in check.
• Before you say anything, examine your attitude. This goes hand in hand with the previous bullet point. Why do you want to say what you’re about to say? Are you angry? Hurting? Grumpy? Annoyed or aggravated? Not too many good things come out of us when we don’t have a rein on our emotions and our wayward hearts. Before we open our mouths, check our hearts and make sure that we have good motives.
• Verse to help us remember to check our hearts: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” —Jeremiah 17:9

• If you’ve already let the poison darts fly, apologize.
• The words “I’m sorry” may seem trite, but really, they’re an excellent start to making amends. Especially when you truly, genuinely, mean it and are honestly trying to make amends. It may take time for the person to heal, for the bridge between you two to be mended, but recognizing the fact that you aren’t perfect and want to take ownership of your wayward words is a step in the right direction.
• Verses to remind us to apologize and forgive: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” —1 John 1:9

• Move forward without grudges or guilt.
• Once harsh words have been spoken, it’s tempting to wallow in either grudges or guilt. Grudges at being wronged. Grudges about how the other person acted or how the situation played out. On the other hand, we can be consumed by guilt. It haunts us, reminding us constantly about our careless words, the pain we inflicted on someone else. Both of these are impediments to rebuilding strong relationships. Once the apology has been said and forgiveness has been given, the best thing for both parties is to move forward, praying about the relationship and trying to do what is healthy and best for both parties. It’s a case by case scenario, not a "one-size-fits-all." But, if at all possible, work towards the reconciliation that God has for you. And just as God keeps no records of wrongs once He’s forgiven us, let’s try and do the same.
• Verses to remind us to be gentle and forgiving: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32

     

Well, there you have it. Five simple points to always have the tongue tamed and never put your foot in your mouth again!

     Riiiight.

     Of course, this isn’t a miracle, step-by-step way to live in peace with everyone. But being aware of how dangerous our tongue can help us inch towards being like Jesus. And after all, it’s only by His mercy at all that we can accomplish taming our perfidious, poisonous tongue.