“Women, they have minds and they have souls as well as just hearts. And they've got ambition and they've got talent as well as just beauty, and I'm so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I'm so sick of it! But... I am so lonely.” -Jo March, Little Women (2019)
In case there’s any doubt, let me start off this devotion by saying: yes, I did go see the new Little Women movie. Yes, I did love it. And yes, I did cry for about 40 straight minutes and had to use a scarf as a tissue because I thought I was emotionally prepared enough for the “plot twist” I knew was coming, but I was not. Not one bit.
Anyway, that’s not the real focus of this devotion. Why I started this devotion off with that quote was because Jo’s declaration resounded with me. To the bones. As someone who is perpetually single, I’ve learned plenty of lessons about “dealing” with singlehood. I say this a bit snarkily, actually, because I’ve come to loathe how being single is treated as a disease. Relationships are not the end-all, be-all of a person. We are unique individuals with talents, passions, and God-given dignity and worth that is not derived from whether or not we are loved or love others romantically. And too often, I see people snuff out their own lights and desires to chase after a love that will never fulfill them like their fantasy assumes.
In that sense, I don’t want a relationship.
I don’t want to sacrifice a part of myself or to act as if I am missing my “better half.” No. I may be missing my “soul mate,” but I am not missing part of myself because I am single. I am still a whole, unique individual, who is blossoming as God made me. And if, in the future, I find out that He has made someone else who will encourage my passions, who will help me to grow, who will run a race with me and point me towards Christ, whose worship is tangible enough to see, whose heart beats only for God-- not just me-- then I will know that this is what will help both of us to pursue God. Not something that is purely carnal or will drag me down as I worship an idol of love that I have made in my head instead of my Savior.
But, like any human being, I believe loneliness is inevitable.
Now please don’t assume that I’m moping or sad or constantly depressed because I haven’t found this soul mate yet. No, this isn’t that kind of moaning loneliness. It is just a desire, an ache, for what God has planned for in the future, what He’s written in my storybook, but I’m on the page I’m at and can’t flip ahead and see when or if the prince comes or the plot twists that are in store. It’s a hopeful loneliness. The loneliness that one day, I will love someone, quirks and flaws and all.
And, most of all, in this hopeful loneliness, I find a point. A reason, if you will, that I should be single.
Because God is trying to teach me, as, I believe, He is trying to teach everyone in one way or another, to be thankful for each moment spent in this time of my life. Each moment spent in singlehood.
“How can I do that, when all I want is to be in a relationship?” you might ask.
A fair point.
Because in this singlehood, too many of us consider it a time of “waiting.” And it is, in a bit, but it’s something far more holy beyond that. If singlehood is done right, then every moment spent apart from your future spouse is a moment that they are spent training with God. If you met them now, before they are through the “boot camp” of whatever He needs them to be, then they would only be half-ready. They may not be equipped to handle whatever your lives together may be. They may not be the man or husband that they will eventually become, a man of God, of integrity, with so many life lessons under their belt that they are ready to face anything by knowing that their power comes when they are on their knees at the foot of the Cross. (I write all this about men because, obviously, that’s what my prayers are mostly about. However, if you’re a dude and you’ve somehow made it through all this sappy nonsense and quotes about Little Women, congratulations, and also, wow. And just replace any husband references or whatever with wife and whatnot. You’re smart enough to know what I mean.)
And what about you? You may not be the woman (or man) of God that you will someday be. Maybe there are still lessons that God wishes to teach you. He knows that there is something else you need to learn, if only you’ll listen to Him and not bemoan every second spent waiting.
Instead of being impatient in the waiting, be thankful for the time that you can spend fixed wholly on God.
And that brings me to my next point. I can’t take credit for this idea-- I stole it from one of many of my favorite authors, Robin Jones Gunn (and if she borrowed the idea from someone else, I can’t say). But I love the intentionality that she has whenever her characters pray for their future husbands. It isn’t just a one-off prayer. These girls are becoming prayer warriors for a man that they may have not even met yet. And really, by doing that, you’re already giving your marriage one leg up on the competition.
Pray for your future husband. Pray hard. Because life is a war-zone, and they can’t survive without it.
Even if you have no clue who you are praying for, even if you don’t know what to pray for-- pray. Pray with what God is putting on your heart. Pray furiously. Pray intentionally. Pray that they train well, that they put God above all things, that they worship wholeheartedly-- whatever. I’m not here to tell you how to pray. Just know that, like all things, you must pray. God is listening. God knows His plan for you and He wants to talk to you. And He’ll help the man you marry become someone you want to marry.
And, finally, enjoy your time with God to grow yourself.
Like I briefly touched on before, none of us are perfect. But God has us in this time to teach us lessons if only we’ll listen to Him. Like I’ve talked about before in “This is Your Promised Land,” we can rush through life and ignore God’s lessons. Many people do. We can get so caught up in our loneliness that we disregard the sacredness of this time with our Heavenly Father. God isn’t going to withhold something from you if you do; however, it may be years before you finally learn what He was trying to teach you all along. Maybe not until after you hit rock bottom. Or maybe God wants to send you to rock bottom to build you back up to the woman (or man) you’re meant to be.
So don’t wish away this time. Grow yourself. Know yourself. Make lifelong friends, cherish Christ as never before. Find your worth, passion, and desire in Him. Because every moment, no matter how small, will never happen again. Live in each and every one of them, dance amongst the lines of your story, and don’t try to turn the page until God does. Trust me. God has wonderful, scintillating, magical things planned for you, if only you’ll trust Him and pray with your whole heart.
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